THE DOUBLE MEANINGS
I take a one last look at myself at the mirror. All I can see is someone else, not me. Yes, the same black long hair as mine. The same height and the same dark eyes, but still, I don’t look like myself, but I guess this is good. I don’t want to look myself while I am going where I am going and doing the things that I am supposed to do.
I tug on my dress one last time; trying to make it a little bit longer, but in vain. The dress barely covers anything in my body, but the people who are sending me where I am going, sent me this dress and told me to play my part well, or else.
I start to feel the tears gathering in my eyes again, but I try to push them away. I don’t have the time to do my makeup again, so I try so hard to stop them. I try so hard to stop them as I tried so hard to stop the people from adding me in their vicious plan. I failed in the later, but I have not to fail in the other thing and most importantly I have not to fail them or the consequences have to be so hard and I don’t think I can handle it.
I get into the car I rented when I arrived at Colombia. This small Toyota Yaris. I thought that I could save money on my trip if I rented a car instead of catching taxies everywhere I went. I think in some way I made the right decision otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to reach my destination now easily as I want and have my ride ready in case something went wrong.
I pass all the streets that I wanted to visit so badly with the colored buildings that are lit like a panting with the sunlight and the people and tourists walking in them. The weather is warm this time of the year and that is why I chose to travel September and not any other day. It has been a dream of mine to travel all over the world, see different cultures and people. I started with Bali while I am still at college and the trip was perfection in one word. I decided that once I finish college I will go to another trip and I spent the last year in college planning my trip to Columbia and making a list of where I would go and where I would stay and even how long I would stay here. The day I finally reached the airport I was over the clouds, but this feeling has gone already and I got fear and tread instead.
I finally reach my destination or more accurate their destination. I feel a huge urge to throw up everything in my stomach which is not much since I haven’t eaten much in the last three days. I take a deep breath trying to calm myself as my mother taught me. She used to say, just breath and everything is going to be alright. I am hoping that breathing can make anything go alright today.
I get out of my car and start to play my part. I take small, but confident steps toward the gate, turning eyes of the few guards standing outside as I wake in this small black dress. I enter the building and go to the information desk. “Hello, I am here for a visit for Mr. Miguel Emanuel.”
The guard on the front desk take one long look at me and immediately knows who I am. “Yes, Emanuel is expecting you, you just need to sign those papers. These just says that you are aware that once you are in, you are on your own and not under the protection of the authorities. Also you need to hand over your bag, phone and any other electronic you have and of course if you have any weapon with you, you will have to hand it over.” The guard says.
I take the pen from him and sign those papers. I already knew this. I have done nothing in the last three days except getting all the information I could find about La Bogari prison. It was part of the task I am in and also it is the part of my brain that is looking for every bit of survival that could be found in this place, again, if something goes wrong.
“Diago, is it?” I say with a cat smile He just nods eagerly which says that I am getting better in this already, so I continuous “How long do I get in there? Or is it till all the parties get what they want?” I lower my upper body a little bit on the counter to give him a better view of what I know he wants to see the most. As I knew, he just looked where I wanted him to look and not at my face so I just swipe a look at his desk.
His desk is full of all kind of control systems and buttons. Of course as everything else in this country the control buttons are not labeled, so I have no idea what does what. I need to take a picture of it and study it at home. As for Diago himself, he is wearing this bullet proof vest and there is a gun on his desk. I also bet that he has another gun wrapped around his thighs.
“You will have until Emanuel decide he doesn’t need you anymore. Now you will just have to hand me your bag and anything you might have.”
I give him my bag and I find him still waiting for me, so I take a couple of steps back and do a full circle for him and says innocently “Do you think that I can keep anything in this thin material. He swallows and shakes his head no.
After a beat he finally says “Senorita, you go to the left wake ahead and you will find a door to your right and you will reach Emanuel.” The guard says this with a hint of smile on his face and I knew that I won him over as Michel told me he would.
My mind races to what might happens today and the sweat start to get the best of me and I feel drops of it going down my back. I try to shut out every single thought that I will face something bad and think about the flowers the purple flowers I bought for myself today to see something beautiful and remember that the world is beautiful and there are reasons to live in it.
I gather myself and take the small confident steps, I go through the route he told me to follow and walk to what feels the beginning of a very long day.