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Friday, October 28, 2016


THE DOUBLE MEANINGS  Everything in life has a double meaning. Like a coin with two faces. You just choose which face to see and you also choose which meaning to get.  We all get double meaning in this life from the moment we were created inside our mothers and these meaning change by every day in our lives. This time my double meaning is more complicated than ever. This time it is not just a coin, but more of a necklace of coins that is tangled together preventing me from seeing all the meanings I need and only making me see the faces what others making me see. The first face is my own survival in this country, but one the other’s face, it is helping criminals escape their justice, but my other’s face has a little coin within it with a double faces too, the first face is a criminal I am helping to escape, but on the other side, he might be the one person I have been looking for my entire life, the love of my life. He tells me that my own survival is tangled within all of the others coin and to see the entire coin and not just a face, I need to untangle the rest and find the faces that I should see, the faces where I have to trust him and be get not just my freedom, but all of our freedoms.  WAIT FOR A NEW CHAPTER EVERY FRIDAY ON societyfix.blogspot.com


I wake up finding myself still in this nasty dress, I was wearing earlier that day with the shoes on. I look at my phone and find that it is two am. Gosh, I was so tired. I didn’t even feel like taking of my shoes before sleeping. I haven’t had a good night sleep since the moment I met Gayla at the reception. I always wake up dreaming about them killing me or when I they told me that I would have to sleep with some men, criminals, to get in there I had dreams about them raping me. I think I should thank god that I wasn’t raped today, or was I?

I turn on the water and look at myself in the mirror. God, I look awful. My long hair is now a mess. The makeup turned cakey. I look tired. I take of my jewelry, Gayla’s jewelry, she is the one who brought everything for me. I didn’t have a dress that short or open before. I take everything off and just hop into the shower.

Once the water hit my skin I feel better, much better. I haven’t noticed how sore I felt before this moment. The warm water on my skin just feel like heaven. I look at my wrist and see that they are little red than the rest of my arm. I bring it up to inspect it and it is indeed has this angry red color in it. I let my head fall on the tile and wander to what happened today. What I have tried so hard to push from my head and deny.

He carries me into the bed. He doesn’t threw me on it, but more just lay me down gently. He stands up for a moment watching me. I don’t know what to do, everything that I have been taught has disappeared from my mind. I swallow the lump in my throat. His looks should make me feel scared or ashamed, but instead I just feel calmer, with every breath he makes and every eye swap on my body he takes, he makes me get calmer.

His eyes finally reaches mine. He lowers himself a little bit. I expect him to come and lay down with me, instead he bends and take off one shoe off my leg and kiss the front of my leg. Once his lips touches my skin, I feel an electric current passing through my entire body causing me to tremble on his hand. I am usually very ticklish person and can’t stand anyone touching me, especially my feet, but with him, I only feel his hand and lips on me, nothing else. My nerves are working on my favor or against my favor and only giving signals of arousal.

He leaves the leg and take the other one and repeats the same process again with the other leg and again I tremble. I try so hard, not to but it is involuntary move on my part. He leaves my leg and again looks at me and my eye. His eyes are really capturing me. His eyes are telling me that he won’t hurt me. That this won’t be as bad as I think.

He doesn’t leave this leg this time, but he slide his hand from my feet to me leg, to my thigh while lowering himself on bed. I feel my breath quicken when his hand reaches my thigh, but he doesn’t stop. He keeps sliding it higher taking the dress with him higher and higher. His hand reaches my waist and up to the side of my breast. At one point, the dress doesn’t comply with him and come higher. I don’t know if I should be happy or not. On one hand I really want to feel his hand touching my skin, but on the other I want to take a break. My brain is going crazy with all those mixed signals he takes from my body. Fear and arousal. The most dangerous mix of feeling you can give your brain.
I look back at him and find that he is watching me deeply. I think that he is trying to read me. He wants to know what he does to me is good or bad. I wish I could give him the answer, he is looking for, but right now I don’t know anything, I don’t even think that I can remember how to breathe.
I think he got something or maybe he is testing the water because he lowers his lips to meet mine for a deep kiss. The one that takes what is left from my breath away. He doesn’t take his lips away from me, he just slide them to the side of my lips, to my chin and then to the side of my neck, kissing and sucking, sending waves of aches between my legs. I find myself stretching so badly, that my stomach is not of the bed.

I want so badly for it to be a worse experience. I don’t want to be happy that I am losing my virginity to a man I have never met before, let alone someone I know to be a criminal for crimes god knows what. But the way he touches my body, makes me forget about everything and just remember his touch. I don’t care who is he all I care about is what he does to me in the current moments and seconds.

I feel his hand lowering the very thin material that is holding my dress, off my shoulder. He replace the straps with his lips on my shoulder and then on the upper of my chest. He stop kissing and looks at me, while lowering the dress slowly off my chest, taking my bra with it. I love his looks before he does anything. I love that at these moments he asks me for permission. He gives me a small power on him. Maybe that is why I enjoy him rather than being afraid of him.

It is only when the dress is on my waist and my upper body is completely exposed, he takes his eyes away from mine and looks at my tits. His eyes distant for a moment and for a small minutes he looks completely lost before he dives in with all of his emotions that he seems to have kept it hidden the entire time, because once his mouth touches my nipples, he is not soft on my anymore. I gasp from the pleasure I feel from him, no I don’t think I have gasped, I think I screamed. One hand is gripping my one tits so hard while the other is being eaten by his mouth.

If I thought that the ache at first was unbearable now the ache between my legs has been magnified a million time.  My hand involuntary moves from my sides to his hair. I grip it hard, like trying to get the ache I feel into him or something. Then I lower my hand to his neck. To his back. I feel the soft material of his shirt, but it is not what I want, I try to pull it. He must feel the urgency of my touch because he stops for a moment till he take of his shirt, then he proceed again.

This time he lowers himself little by little down my body removing every single piece of clothes I had on. My breathing quicken by every passing seconds. He kisses me everywhere and leaves nothing untouched and un-kissed, He seems to have lost himself completely in me. I become undone by what he does to me down there, not once but more. He finally get off me. He takes me from toes to head and linger his eyes on mine for a long time. He takes a very long deep breath, still not breaking eye contact. Where his eyes seemed to be asking for my permission early, now they are bragging about what he just did to me. I look at him and I think I have lost my breath. He is completely naked now, standing in front of me like sex god- it is weird that I have often wondered what sex god look like, but now, looking at him I know what a sex god means and more.

He lowers himself on the bed again without breaking eye contact with me. He opens my leg and begin to kiss the inner part of my leg from the bottom to the highest part without breaking eye contact with me. He leaves my leg and push himself that he and I are eye to eye. He lowers himself down on me. I feel his weight on me for the first time, it just brings the right amount of pressure I needed. I feel his dick on the entrance of my pussy and for the first time he touched me I am completely afraid. He stops and doesn’t proceed in entering me.

For the lack of my better judgment I open my eyes and see him frowning at me. His lips are so close that I can taste. “Trust me, I will not hurt you. You are more than ready.” I hear his voice out of nowhere and before I can even comprehend what he just said. He kisses me so hard and in the same time I feel him entering me. Between the pleasure of his kiss and the pain of his entrance I feel myself scratching his back and biting his tongue.  He doesn’t stop kissing me or stay away from me. He keeps still for some seconds and then he start moving.

I gasp suddenly and find that the water has turned so cold, getting me back from my memories I turn off the water, but I don’t bother getting out of the shower. Today was exhausting in a lot of ways, but mentally it was more exhausting than anything. I am not that type of girls. I am twenty two year old virgin who didn’t kiss a man before. I become from a very religious family, from Egypt where I am not even allowed to have a relationship with a man, let alone have sex with him. The only relationship I have ever had was in my own brain and the only pleasure I have ever had was in my fantasies. I liked this way, I liked my life and never thought about any other options.

When they told me that the only way to get into the prison was as a prostitute for Emanuel, the head of the biggest gang in Columbia. I refused, but they told me that this is the only way they can provide for me to enter the prison and I would need to find a way out from the inside. When I told them I am a virgin they told me that will make it better and all I need is just training. When I objected they just reminded me that I don’t have a choice getting out of this. When I begged Gayla grabbed me by the hair so hard that she took a few strands out then she proceeded to tell me that I can accept it the easy way or the hard way.

When they trained me how to be a lady of pleasure, I was so disgusted with myself.  I took me a lot of effort not to vomit when they were teaching me the art of pleasing a man. How to talk and how to walk, but the thing they taught me the most is to imagine something good so I don’t look like I would vomit, just like I looked then.

Today morning I decided to find something that would inspire a fantasy when the time come and I would need it. I chose a book out of my laptop, but apparently I made the wrong choice, because the heroine of the book was abducted and raped a lot during the book, so instead of just being disgusted I became afraid too.  I thought about what they would do to me in the worst case scenario.

I had my own expectations and they were realistic. They were what any girl in my case feel and think about. I feel the tears wells up in my eyes even more, because what happened to me wasn’t what I had expected at all, but it was everything I have been dreaming about my entire life. 


  1. Great post dear!


  2. Aconteceu, finalmente! Ansiosa pelo próximo capítulo



  3. This is lovely, so interesting and original to write blog posts in the form of a story, I shall read the other chapters right away!! I followed your blog on bloglovin' and Google Friends Connect! the follow back would mean the world to me lovely! thank youuu and keep up the perf writing! xxx


    1. Your words means so much to me.
      I followed you back already. Thanks

  4. Great read.

  5. Yes I am with Wanjiru, it's a great and interesting read, looking forward to the next chapter. Wishing you a happy and relaxing weekend, doll.

    1. I hope you enjoy the novel till the end sweetheart.

  6. If this was a book, I would totally buy it. Another great chapter. You're really talented with your choice of words.


    1. OMG, this is the best compliment I have ever received. Thanks you.

  7. This is such an interesting read!

  8. Wow! what a great read dearie. Thanks for sharing.