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Friday, October 21, 2016


Everything in life has a double meaning. Like a coin with two faces. You just choose which face to see and you also choose which meaning to get.  We all get double meaning in this life from the moment we were created inside our mothers and these meaning change by every day in our lives. This time my double meaning is more complicated than ever. This time it is not just a coin, but more of a necklace of coins that is tangled together preventing me from seeing all the meanings I need and only making me see the faces what others making me see. The first face is my own survival in this country, but one the other’s face, it is helping criminals escape their justice, but my other’s face has a little coin within it with a double faces too, the first face is a criminal I am helping to escape, but on the other side, he might be the one person I have been looking for my entire life, the love of my life. He tells me that my own survival is tangled within all of the others coin and to see the entire coin and not just a face, I need to untangle the rest and find the faces that I should see, the faces where I have to trust him and be get not just my freedom, but all of our freedoms.


I have heard a lot about the walk of shame. I have seen it a lot in movies and series, but I have never tried it firsthand.  If I had to describe it in a book it will be your internal guilt be reflected in everything around you. You will notice that everyone is looking at you with certain looks, a mixture between lust and shaming. The latter is more than the first. But not only this, all of your senses will be directed towards everything around you, not just people, but the wind, the noise and the background talking. You will feel like everything is turned against you. The wind is pushing your hair in the wrong direction to disgrace you, the noise is too much to make you focus on anything and that everyone else is whispering and talking about you.

This what I felt the first I have stepped out of the door of Emanuel room, but I know enough to believe what my sub-conscious is telling me. I know that this is my guilt talking. I know that this is not what is really happening. I know enough that people has enough going on their lives to notice me and what I do. I deal with this in my everyday life and it is not different here than there.

I look around me and I find that there is not guards in this hallway. The door is on my back and the hallway has no guards in it, the only guard that was in the building was the guard who made me sign the documents, no one else. I was too buys thinking about what would happen when I first came in to notice that there is no guards. I look at the ceiling and there is no cameras too.  There was one in the receptionist office, but not here. The place here is so isolated from everything else.

If this place has no guards what so ever, why no one has tried to escape from it. Is it the guards they fear or Emanuel? If it is Emanuel they fear, then why hasn’t Emanuel himself escape? From the information I have gathered Emanuel is very powerful man in Columbia, all of it. If he escaped he would be able to find a way out of staying in prison, so why hasn’t he?

I look around me looking for other doors in the hallway, but there is nothing. The only door is the only leading to Emanuel’s door and the other exit is the one leading to the receptionist office.
When I reach the reception I find the guard who signed me in. I can’t remember his name. I find myself trying to recall every name I heard since I got to Columbia, but I can’t remember his. I guess I will have to go with puppet names then. The good thing is that guy is so into me that he will be happy with any name I give him.

I reach for him and he is not looking at me at all, but on the small TV in front of him. I look at the TV and find there is a football game there. You know, I used to hate the relationship between men and football, but today I loved it even more.

“Hello.” I say with the sexy slurring I trained to talk in.

“Yeah.” He says without turning to me at all. Seriously, could this guy make me day anymore?
“I need my bag, if you may give it to me?”

He fumble in the floor for a little bit and put the bag on the desk without even turning to me at all. I take the chance to study the entrance better. There is a camera on the corner above the door. There is another camera on the other corner of the room. There is not any other camera there.  The doors that were open when I first arrived are now closed, maybe visiting hours are over and there is no other people are allowed to go in, so that is why they closed the doors.

The doors are operated electronically as there no place for any keys in them. I bet they are operated by the switches the guard has behind his office. Other than these things there is nothing else keeping the prisoner out of the prison and onto the arena around it.

The door of the entrance opens and there is another guard, who looks older steps in. He looks at me and immediately recognize who I am and why I am here. He looks at the other guard and say something in Spanish and immediately the other guy leaves the game and give the full attention to the older guard. It looks like the older guard is his boss. The younger guard answers him in Spanish and points out to me which causes the older one to look at me. I hate not being able to get the situation. I really wish I knew how to speak in Spanish now more than ever.

“Excuse me senora, I didn’t know that you didn’t speak Spanish. We were just commenting about the length of time you spent in there.”  The older guard explains to me. Before I can comment he continues “I see that you already has your belongings. Are you waiting for anything else?”
“The doors were closed and I was just trying to figure out how to open them without bothering any of you.”

“Believe me, you wouldn’t bother us in any way. Why don’t you let me escort you out?” He gesture for me to head him and I take small calculated steps toward him. He doesn’t look like he want anything form me. I think he is just being polite, or does he want something from me? And if he does, should I do what he wants or is it not on my contract? But if I refused anything he might prevent me from going in there again, he looks like he is in charge of something in here, and I need more information.

I think that I will have to follow his lead to whatever he leads me to or into.
I smile and him and start walking towards the door. He swipes a card to open the door and put it back in his pocket. He opens the doors for me like a perfect gentleman and let me step in first.
It started to get dark. This means I have been there for more than three hours already. Weird, it didn’t feel like three hours, more of an hour or something. I look up at the sky and I catch the tower on the side of the prison, with guards holding their shooting gun ready for any movement. 
“Don’t worry they are not shooting at us, they know when to shoot and when they just watch.” His comment catching me of guard.

“I am sorry I didn’t notice them before and they startled me.” I look at him and he is looking at the guard on the tower, but it is a different tower from the one I have been looking at. This one is on the other side of the prison. I turn around and see other two on the other side, the far side from the prison. All of them are forming a square. It is the same as the map I have found when I was searching the prison.

“I know you wouldn’t think we have a great system from what you have seen in the inside. Prisoners living on their own without any supervision. But we believe that the prison is made to keep the prisoner in, not made to make them deal in a civil way with each other. What is done in there and how they deal with each other is just for them to deal with. Our job is to protect people like you and I from them.” He stresses on the you in the sentence, like he want to tell me not to come back again because he can’t protect me. I wish I can take his words and just run away. But all my papers is taken, my passport and everything else is with them, not with me.

“You can take it from here.” He gesture for me to go. I smile at him and I just take the opportunity and go.

I reach for my car and for the first time in the day I just take a breath. I stay in my place for some times. I don’t want to go back. I know once I go back. I will be faced with the reality again. I would be required to answer questions and make a plan. I would have faced this if I had the answers I need, but all the answers I have got is Marcus and he is not important at all.

I arrive at the hotel back again. The entire ride I only thought about a way to get him out of here.  I still need to get all the information about him and his relationship to Emanuel. The only rational thing I could think of is to get him out of the prison is through this room. I also need to get the information about how the prison is operated from the inside, so I would need to speak to Alex myself. But I can’t risk being seen with Alex, it would ruin the chance I have got with Emanuel, so I would have to ask Gayla and she will have to deliver the information between us.

I get out of the car and steps into the Hamptons hotel. I pass the receptionist who gives me this weird looks. I am sure he has never seen someone go partying in the morning and return at night. It is funny how I always said I am a morning person, even in partying I prefer to party at the morning time.

Once I open the door to my room. I see Gayla there waiting for me, looking at the window.  “It took you long. I have expected you to be back earlier.” She doesn’t look at me. I can see her white blonde hair in a ponytail and her black suit.

If I wanted to describe Gayla I would describe her as my opposite. Where I have black hair, she is blond. Where I am a little tanned, she is as pale as blonds in general. Where I am short and on the curvier side, she has a model’s body, tall and skinny. Where my eyes are black, hers are blue as a Maldives beach. Where I lack self-confidence, she is pretty confident of herself.  We are opposite in everything.

“I didn’t even notice that this amount of time has passed.” I throw my bag on the chair and go and sit on the bed. She finally turns to me with a cat smile on her face.

“Why, don’t tell me you enjoyed yourself that much that you don’t feel the time passed? Who would have thought that Emanuel is that good in bed?” She laughs and I hate her even more. She is everything I wanted to be and more. She is sexy and so sure of herself. Even her laugh is sexy. When I was training to be the prostitute I should be, she was there witnessing everything and witnessing my embarrassment and she was good at everything they teach me and she laughed at everything I have tried to do and failed. Till I finally got it right, but even then, I felt that my sexy is a fake thing, while her sexiness, is a part of who she is.

“There are a lot of wrong things in this sentence. First it wasn’t Emanuel who took me. Second I didn’t enjoy myself at all. I was working, so excuse me if I didn’t feel the time pass while my mind was on a mission.”

Instantly, her smile fall from her lips and she stand so close to me, towering me. “What do you mean it wasn’t Emanuel who took you?”

“I don’t know, Emanuel gave me to someone else as a prize for something. Don’t worry he required me again tomorrow. And don’t worry I have got enough information for a day.” She looks calmer once I have said that I am going back tomorrow. “Speaking of information, I need to know a couple of things from Alex. I can’t go and ask him those things myself, so you would have to ask him for me.”

“What do you need to know?” She says while she is walking toward the cabinet and retrieving something from there.

“I want Alex, to tell me how the prison is operated from the inside. I want to know when the time all the prisoners are busy is. How close he is to Emanuel and if he can go into his room without suspicious? I want him to get to Emanuel to trust him enough to get him into his room without suspicious.”

She hands me a cup of water and a pill. “Take these.” I narrow my eyes at her. “When would you believe that you more valuable alive then dead to me. These are just for pregnancy. Unless you want to have kids from someone you have never met and is in prison. Just tell me and I will take them away from you.”

I take it from here and swallow it. She is right. I am more valuable for her when I am alive. She sits next to me on the bed. “I will go to visit Alex tomorrow morning before you go, so I can have the information for you ready.”

She gets up and head towards the door. She open the door but before she leaves, she looks at me. “Sansa, by the end of the week, If Alex is not out, you would be more valuable dead to me.”  She finally leaves. I throw myself at the bed and dose off.