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Thursday, December 15, 2016

The Double Meaning (Chapter Eleven)

THE DOUBLE MEANINGS  Everything in life has a double meaning. Like a coin with two faces. You just choose which face to see and you also choose which meaning to get.  We all get double meaning in this life from the moment we were created inside our mothers and these meaning change by every day in our lives. This time my double meaning is more complicated than ever. This time it is not just a coin, but more of a necklace of coins that is tangled together preventing me from seeing all the meanings I need and only making me see the faces what others making me see. The first face is my own survival in this country, but one the other’s face, it is helping criminals escape their justice, but my other’s face has a little coin within it with a double faces too, the first face is a criminal I am helping to escape, but on the other side, he might be the one person I have been looking for my entire life, the love of my life. He tells me that my own survival is tangled within all of the others coin and to see the entire coin and not just a face, I need to untangle the rest and find the faces that I should see, the faces where I have to trust him and be get not just my freedom, but all of our freedoms.   WAIT FOR A NEW CHAPTER EVERY THURSDAY ON societyfix.blogspot.com


I stare at myself in the mirror. I don’t even recognize myself. Gayla covered my bruised face with tons of makeup and dyed my hair platinum blond to match hers. She cut my bangs too. Along with the sunglasses that she gave me, I wouldn’t be recognizable if someone were to find me.
I try to recall how did this happen, but nothing comes to me at all. I can remember Emanuel beating the shit out of me and that’s it. I don’t know what happened next and I don’t know how I messed my life that much. All I know is that now I am no longer Sansa Alam, I am Beatrice Meller.

Three days before.
Rise and shine. I say to myself trying to cheer me up a little, but it is no use. I stayed up all night trying to find a loophole or a missing item in the blueprint, but nothing showed up. I tried to remember everything I saw from the moment I arrived at the prison till the moment I left to find someone that could be bought, but still nothing. Nothing but dead ends and Emanuel fucking me today.
Every time I remember this, bile rise to my throat and I feel like I am going to throw up. I don’t know how I would maintain myself in front of him, let alone trying to seduce him and fake pleasure for him.
I hate to admit this, but Marcus being in the room with me really calmed me and made me feel safe, even though I don’t know him and even though I am a hundred percent sure that he wouldn’t blink an eye if it meant to save me. I know that he only needs me to get him out and maybe this is why I feel safe when I am with him, because I know that he needs me that much.
I look at the couch and find Gayla still working on her laptop. She is so sure that we can buy/threat the men on charge and they might let us go, but she didn’t meet them, I did. The men out there are like hawks, nothing escapes them. She hadn’t met Gomez, he seems really into his job and really wants to protect the people out there from those who are inside La Borgie.
I close my eyes again. I concentrate on arranging my thoughts and ideas on priority list. From most important to less important. Okay, here we go, what is the most important thought in my mind.
The image of my mom comes into my mind. She is the most important thing in my life. I don’t know what she would do without me. I don’t know if she would survive if something happens to me. I don’t think I can live, or in my case die knowing that I was responsible to her misery. I am her only daughter and letting me travel by myself was everything her heart told her not to and oh boy, how right was her heart.
I pick my phone and call her. I have been calling her from the day I arrived and when I told her that I am planning to spend a little more time, because of a job I got, she got really anxious, but I assured her that everything is fine. When I call her I try to sound cheerful and that I am enjoying my time. I tell her all about place I have never been to, but read about on the internet to show her that I am visiting. I tell her about Gayla as she is my friend and companion in this trip. If she only knew what is happening to me.

On the third ring she answers. “Hello!” She sounds sleepy. I knew that she would be asleep, but I really needed to call her.
“Hey mom! How are you?” I try to sound cheerful for her. My mom can sense my mood whatever it is. Even though she never know why I am feeling this way, but she can sense my moods and feelings. She has been asking me what is happening and why am I in such a bad mood, but I stuck with the most magical realistic word in this trip ‘just tired’. But is early in the morning today and I would be no way tired or even close to be tired.
“I am fine. How are you? Are you enjoying yourself?” If she only knew.
“Yes mom, I am. I am going out with Gayla today. I still don’t know where, but I would tell you all about it when I get home.” She yawns and I immediately feel guilty. “I am sorry I woke you up.”
“It is okay, honey. I missed you. I feel so lonely here all alone.”
“Come on, you have got dad to talk to, but I on the other hand, missing my back bone. Gosh mom I miss you.” I choke out the last word and I start tearing. “I won’t keep you up more than this. Goodnight mom, talk later.”
“Honey, it is almost Saturday. Three more days and I will see you.”
“Mom, my plane is leaving on Saturday, this means I will be here on Tuesday, due to the time difference. Please tell dad this too, I don’t want you guys to worry about me. Tell him that I say hi too.”
“Okay, honey, have a great day.” She hangs up.
Before I left, I had this huge fight with dad, probably my first one ever. He didn’t want me to go on this trip and said that I don’t respect him anymore because I don’t do what he says and I said that he wants me to live in a cage and that I grew up and didn’t like cages anymore. Looking back at it now, I wish I listened to him and stayed safe inside this cage.
“You will see her again, don’t worry. We just need to work smart on this plan and you will see her and be able to afford to buy her nice things too.”
I shot Gayla ‘it is none of your business’ look and then glance back at my phone and do the most stupid this I could ever do. I google books, movies and series that talks about prison breaks.

“You need to get ready. I am going to order us food, what do you want to eat?”
“Huh?” I say to hear and I can’t put away the short story that I am reading. It is really a page turner and it has a lot of great ideas of breaking out of a prison that is impossible for me to do because of two things: it is fiction and I am not in the prison and no one wrote a book about breaking in and out of a prison. I have no idea why people are so selfish and don’t share these kind of thing although I know that it happens.
I feel the i-phone is being pulled out of my hand suddenly and I look up at a very angry Gayla.
“I asked what you want to eat, because you need to get ready, because, in case you forgot, our lives are on stake here.” She pulls the cover from up me too and then she sits near me and dial room service from the hotel phone.
“I want a fried chicken, fries and coke.” I tell her quickly before she order the food for me. I made this mistake once and it resulted in a caser salad and an orange juice and it was a very important lesson on not to let Gayla order for me again.
“Your hips are going to get fuller.” She replies.
“If it weren’t for my fuller hips I wouldn’t have lasted this long at the prison, so let’s stick with my choice of food, shall we?” I tell her and get up from the bed and go to take a shower and prepare for the day.

After I shower and pamper myself up a little bit, I wrap myself in the rope and go out. On the dining table I find Gayla sitting scrolling through my phone and eating a vegy something. I bet it taste as bad as it is named.
She sees my coming and swallow so fast. “No wonder you didn’t answer me when I called you, these plot lines are amazing.”
“I know they are really amazing. If they only can be used in real life.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. Life would have been so easy and so exciting.” I laugh at her choice of using words.
“You do realize that you are a mafia member, right? Your life is exciting alright, you don’t need it to be like novels.” I sit down and pick up my drink and take a sip.
“You know, when I was just a small girl. I was about thirteen. I didn’t know about the mafia yet or anything.  I was so hormonal these days and I thought that men and sex was the best thing ever. I used to watch adult movies and thought that the actress in these movies had the best jobs in the world. They take money and get to have sex with handsome men. One day I decided to google them and I wanted to be like them so bad, so I did. One of them said that after a while this job become like an ordinary job, losing all the exciting factors in them and you turn to be a performer more than anything. I didn’t believe her at first and didn’t till after a year of my work with Abram, our leader, I was bored out of my job and everything was the same in my eyes, no matter how hard and challenging it was, it was just a job.”
“If it were just a job, then why do you still doing it? Why haven’t you quit yet?” I ask her.
She smiles at me like I am a naive girl. “Why haven’t you went out from this job, if it was boring or dangerous or whatever?”
It took me a moment to realize what she means. I had never thought that Gayla might be threatened to be in this job like me. I always knew that she is one of the bad guys, but the way she said this sentence made me realize that maybe she is not. Maybe she is forced as much as me, this is why her life is at stake, because any mistake in this world would just get her killed.
“You know, I have been thinking.”
She doesn’t look at me, but she answers any way “I thought your brain took off these last few days.”
I can point out that she is not either, but I choose to ignore her. “What if we have done something crazy? If I waited for information and well preformed plan, it may never come. I mean I have been two times to that place and I didn’t get any new information yet. But what if we have done something no one would even think about let alone know how to stop it? Something that would shake the entire place and make people don’t know where to stop or even how.”
She leaves the food finally and put her elbows on the table and look at me. “And what would that crazy plan that can shake the entire place be?” Sarcasm is maneuvering over her tone.
“Well….. I don’t know yet, but I will find something that will shake this place. Even Rome had fallen in the end, you know.” She let out a small laugh that deride my idea and then turn and leave.
“When you find something that will shake the entire place tell me, otherwise finish your fuckin food, because you are going to be late for Emanuel who, in case you have forgotten, hold a great value you can use in a sane plan.”
I pick out my sandwich and eat it while watching her picking out my outfit. Yesterday, I told her to choose my outfit since according to Marcus my choice wasn’t saying that I am a call girl at all.

She picks some items and throw them on the bed. I go and check what she had chosen and surprise surprise. She chose a tiny red silk satin dress and nude underwear. I look at my side and she throws the heels on the ground and the winner of the shortest girl wearing the highest heels goes to…… Sansa Alam.
“You know. I want this thing to end, because I am sick of wearing these stupid clothes. I want to wear the kind of clothes that makes me look like Princess Kate, not looking like porn star.”  I tell her while taking my clothes off.
“You know. I want this thing to end because I am sick of you complaining about looking like a porn star.” She mocks me. “But you know if you ever fail as a writer slash prison breaker, try out to adult pornography, you sure have the experience now.”
I throw my top at her and she captures it and laugh so hard. I don’t think I have ever seen her laughing this honest before. She is always mocking me or giving me this short stupid laugh, not something so sincere like this.
“When you finish, sit down because I’ll be doing your hair and makeup today. I want you to look so sexy to knock the information out of him.”
I put on my dress and sit down. “I think it is knock the hell out of him, not the information.” I mock her.
“We are already in hell, we don’t any more hell, we want information, and so until we get out of our own hell, I will be making my own idioms.”

Oh hell, she is right. Who cares about stupid idioms now, let her say what she wants to say.


  1. very interesting chapter! She seems like a great character, it was nice reading about her relationship with her parents.

    1. My god, your comment lifted my spirit. Thanks so much.

  2. I love how you develop the character. So intense!


    1. Really? You love this. I swear to god, you are one of the reasons that keeps me motivated in writing this book.

  3. Amazing blog! I love every post, the subjects and the way you write!
    Such an inspiration for my new baby www.thathappymess.com

  4. Very interesting story, girlie! Thanks for sharing and have a great weekend ahead!



  5. Love how creative this blog post is!!


    1. Really! you think so? I am so glad that you visited my blog.

  6. Amazing writing. I love the way the story has developed.