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Thursday, December 29, 2016

The Double Meaning (Chapter Thirteen)

Everything in life has a double meaning. Like a coin with two faces. You just choose which face to see and you also choose which meaning to get.  We all get double meaning in this life from the moment we were created inside our mothers and these meaning change by every day in our lives. This time my double meaning is more complicated than ever. This time it is not just a coin, but more of a necklace of coins that is tangled together preventing me from seeing all the meanings I need and only making me see the faces what others making me see. The first face is my own survival in this country, but one the other’s face, it is helping criminals escape their justice, but my other’s face has a little coin within it with a double faces too, the first face is a criminal I am helping to escape, but on the other side, he might be the one person I have been looking for my entire life, the love of my life. He tells me that my own survival is tangled within all of the others coin and to see the entire coin and not just a face, I need to untangle the rest and find the faces that I should see, the faces where I have to trust him and be get not just my freedom, but all of our freedoms.   WAIT FOR A NEW CHAPTER EVERY THURSDAY ON societyfix.blogspot.com


I bring my hand to my face. I touch it lightly. I start with my swollen lips, they are not just swollen, but bruised and cut. I bring it to my cheeks where mascara tears dried. My eyes are the worst. My eyes are bloodshot and the mascara are forming dark circles under them. I have never suffered dark circles under my eyes before, but with all the crying I have done today, it formed. My hair on the other hand is tangled up and sticky, running in different direction and some stuck on my face.

My neck is the worst. A hand mark is covering it from Emanuel taking hold of it and chocking me multiple times. He used his hand it covered my entire neck, making the chocking process so easily. He had done it several times and with every time he did it, he turned more excited than the time before. The last time he did it, I just let go, and I didn’t fight and didn’t hold his hand trying to pray free from his hold, just to catch my breath. I just let go and prayed to god that this nightmare to be over already. The Emanuel nightmare was over, but he gave me to his friends to start a new nightmare that took me to a different kind of hell than what I have seen before.

I know that I can’t go out in the streets like this. Hell, I know that I can’t go out of this room looking like this, I wouldn’t pass the gate before they take me and hold me in a hospital room and I will be in a worse hell than I have seen today. I force myself to go and take a shower, to clean all this miss, to break free from there and break free from everything.

The best thing in Columbia that the water doesn’t need heating. I can just hop into the shower without adjusting the water. It is warm and on my bruised and cut skin feel like acid on the wound. But it feels great to wash myself out of them. I feel like I am washing them away, but just standing under the water. I scrub my skin so bad to get it all out. To get every single cell they have touched and ruined away. My skin burns from my rubbing, but I don’t care, it feels great. I find a soap bar on the sink. I take it and use to kill all of the germs they have left on my. I rub between my legs, cleaning it from the blood and cum running between my thighs. I swallow back the need to vomit and continue with my assault/cleaning my skin.

Suddenly the light is turned on and I hear an intake in breath. My body tense immediately and I close my eyes, preparing myself for the attack again. I hear my attacker approaching slowly and a whimper escapes from me, I can’t help it. I finally felt a little bit cleaner and a little bit better, I am not ready for more.

A hand touches my shoulder and I hold my breath, trying to let everything inside of me. I am not about to show them any more weakness, I am not about to let them enjoy themselves any more.
“Shhh.” I know that voice, the deep voice. I finally let go of my breath and let go of my strength and loose it all. I let out a small cry and tears escape down my cheek. Marcus pulls me into his arms and that is when I lose it all.

He holds me tighter to his body. “God! What had they done to you?” He whisper in my ear and I just bury myself more into him.

He pushes me again into the water and start tending me. Hs takes the soap in his hand and dispense some into his hands. Then he start washing me, starting from my neck and down to my breasts, my stomach and then he goes down to between my legs. He nudges me to open them a little more. In my mind I am opening my legs, but my legs seem to be lost contact with my brain as it refuse to be open.
He looks up to me. It is a wonder that yesterday he was in the same position, but he had a different look in his eyes. He had an intense look, a determined one, but today when I look into his eyes, his eyes seems distant and lost, there is sadness larking deep inside his eyes.

He brings his hand to the small of my back and hug me from where he is kneeling. I let out a snivel and he kisses me on my stomach. He looks up to me again. “Es, I need to wash the blood out of you. You have to open your legs.”

For some reason I can’t find my voice so I nod yes to him. I open my legs just a little bit and he washes them quickly, but softly. He stands up again, too close, that he is blocking everything out except for his wet shirt. He dispense some soap again to his hand and start to wash my hair, softly and swiftly. I relax a little bit. I bring my hands up and rest it on his chest. He stops for a moment and then continue washing me.

I stop shivering after a while and start relaxing, but as soon as the idea that I’ll face them again strike, I tense up again. I notice this, because every time I tense, Marcus stops for a second and then proceeds again. It is like he is watching me wither I would have a panic attack or not. I would have had a panic attack in any other situation, but I don’t have the luxury for it.
Marcus finishes washing me after couple of minutes and turns off the water. His clothes are soaked wet now. He keeps looking around for something, but there is nothing here he find, the bathroom is empty.

He turns around and start to head outside. I go out after him, but he turns around and says “Stay here.” I don’t really have any energy left for me to think about anything. The only thing I can think about is the plan that I would make that would get this place down, with or without Alex being with me. This place is so sick and need total reformat. I will be the one who would do it and reformat it.
Rage start building inside of me. I used to be such an angry kid, full of hatred and revenge, but when I grew up, I realized is that to live in this world I need to be more angelic and look where this got me. No more sweet Es, no more angel Es. They will see another side of me, a beast, which they will regret that they set free in the first place.

Marcus returns with a shirt in his hand. “You can wear this.” He says while handing it to me.
I take it, but then realize that this Emanuel shirt. It has his sick smell. I drop it on the floor and say “I would rather stay naked, thank you.”

He looked puzzled for a second, before recovering just as fast. “They sent me to see how I would react to what they have done to you, after they have used you. They are watching us outside, so you need to wear something.”

I let out a snicker. I didn’t even know that I can do that sound. “Watch me, do you really think I would care if they see me naked or not?” I held out my arms open for him and laugh at his stupid assumption. “Marcus, they have already seen me before, not once, but twice and they used me, few minutes ago. I don’t care whether they see me or not. I. Don’t. Fuckin. Give. A. Shit.”

I storm out of the bathroom and go and sit on the sofa. The only place inside of the room they can’t see. I sit down, rest my elbows on my knees and rest my head on my hand. I squeeze my mind again trying to outline my plan. It is still just a scratch, I need more details for it to work. If I could fill in all the blanks, by tomorrow they would pay the price of what they had done to me.

I fill the couch dips beside of me. I look at my side and find Marcus sitting next to me and looking at me with much concern. “Why had they sent you here?” I ask him.

He closes his eyes tightly as in pain and his face muscles all get tensed up too. “They.” He opens his eyes and look at me. “They wanted me to try to please you after you have tried them.” He swallow and his adam apple moves up and down in the impact.

I smirk and then the smirk turns into a laugh. “They think they have ruined me. God, they have no idea about what they had done. Well, they all, but ruined me. They have just created their worst nightmare.” I say between the laughs.

After my laughing fit is over, I cross the couch and go to straddle Marcus. I wrap my arms around his neck and I bring my lips very close to his and wait. I feel him reacting beneath me, getting harder. “I have a surprise for you.” I say while I slide up and down on him.
“What are you doing?” He whisper and get out more of a breath.

I ignore his question and continue my assault of him. “Don’t you want to know about my surprise?”
He answers tightly. “No, I want to know, what are you doing?”

He holds my waist and stills me mid slide. I smile. “I’ll tell you after I tell you about my surprise.”
“Es, this is not the time for childish game. I don’t even think you are in your right mind to play.”
“I don’t disagree with you about the game part, indeed it is a game, but it is anything other than childish. The way I play it, it is more of an eighteen plus category.”

I tug on his neck and bring his body close to me. “You know what, I’ll just tell you about my surprise anyway.

I have come up with a plan and you will be out of here in no time.” I whisper it to him. I let go of his neck and he get away from me immediately. He looks dubious at me. I just let what I said think in and stay silent. Enjoying having the upper hand for once since a long time. The feeling is so empowering that I believe that I’ll do anything to keep this feeling in me forever.
“What is it?” He says in a small voice.

“Nah, you will know it when the time is right.” I get up from him and sit back on the couch.
“I should be happy that you came up with a plan to get me out of here, but looking at you now, I don’t feel confident by you so called plan. Especially that you don’t want to share with me.” Even though his voice is so low while saying the last sentence, he tone is so angry and disapproving. He is right, he should be happy that I finally formed a plan, not angry. His anger multiply my anger to a very high dangerous level.

“In case you have forgot. I am not here to get you out. I am here to get Alex out. You can just hop into my so called plan if you want and if you don’t feel like it, by all means, stay at this rotten place.”
Silence takes over after my last word. I am too angry to talk to him and he is too proud to admit that he is wrong.

After what feels like a lifetime. He finally looks at me and says. “What can I do to help?” I smile at my small victory.

“All that I need from you is to help me to challenge them to show them that I am not broken already, to make them want to break me again. I need one last time to come in here.”


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  4. very intense scene, well written! I wonder what will happen next.