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Thursday, March 2, 2017

The Double Meaning ( Chapter Twenty)

Everything in life has a double meaning. Like a coin with two faces. You just choose which face to see and you also choose which meaning to get.  We all get double meaning in this life from the moment we were created inside our mothers and these meaning change by every day in our lives. This time my double meaning is more complicated than ever. This time it is not just a coin, but more of a necklace of coins that is tangled together preventing me from seeing all the meanings I need and only making me see the faces what others making me see. The first face is my own survival in this country, but one the other’s face, it is helping criminals escape their justice, but my other’s face has a little coin within it with a double faces too, the first face is a criminal I am helping to escape, but on the other side, he might be the one person I have been looking for my entire life, the love of my life. He tells me that my own survival is tangled within all of the others coin and to see the entire coin and not just a face, I need to untangle the rest and find the faces that I should see, the faces where I have to trust him and be get not just my freedom, but all of our freedoms.   WAIT FOR A NEW CHAPTER EVERY THURSDAY ON societyfix.blogspot.com

After we finish our meals I go back and sit on the bed and turn on the tv to break this silent. I hate this. I am not the type of girls that sits around and study people around her. I just go with what they offer. He, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. He just sits there and watches me the entire time. He watches my every move and not just watching for entertaining, he is studying my every single thing I do, every single breath I take. I feel like I can ask him how many breaths I take in a second, he would give you the exact number I do.
After a while, he gets up and takes off his jacket. The takes off his tie and proceed to unbutton the first few buttons on his shirt. He unbuckles his belt and untucks his shirt and moves to the other side of the bed. I feel the fear building in me. My heart starts to pound more and more with every piece of clothes he takes off.  By the time he sits on the bed I am thinking about getting up and say any stupid excuse to leave this room, but then I think about the satisfaction he will get in his sadistic self when he sees my fear. I try to hide it and revert my focus back to the tv. He lay down on the other side of the bed and I hear some clicks. I look at him and find that he is making a call on his phone.
He talks in Russian so I don’t really understand what he saying. After he finishes his quick call. He looks at me and angles his head to the side. He looks magnificent. He let his hair fall down and it got a little messy from the bed or the phone. I really don’t care. What happened to the bag guys being ugly and the good guys looking great? Thank god Emanuel didn’t break this rule. He is ugly as a pig, but Marcus and now Vlad broke this rule a while ago. They are both handsome like the description of prince charming in any Disney movie. It is true is that I still don’t know if Marcus is good or not, but I am now sure that Vlad is the worst of them all.
“Sansa, not that I am complaining or anything, but I want to know when you are going to stop staring at me.” The smug bastard.
“You have been staring at me for the last couple of hours or who knows how long and I didn’t ask you when to stop.” I retort.
What I get from him sets me on fire. He just laughs, but not one of his fake laughs or smiles he does all the time, but true laugh from his heart. “You were right when you said that I must not know your real you. You surprise me.”
Then all so suddenly his laugh is cut and his smile turned upside down and the next moment I find that I am being pulled down the bed and laying on my back and his topping me. His face is so close to mine. I start to open my mouth to scream, but one of his hand covers my mouth that I can’t and the other hand holds both of wrists above me. The tears are building inside of eyes. “As much as I am enjoying your little courage feast when you are with me, I would have to warn you to never speak to me like that again, in front of any person. Or you know, do it and you will find me do the same thing that set your heart to beat a twice as much when I sat next to you on the bed. Now, I am going to ask you if you understood what I am talking about, if yes, nod your head, if no…” He doesn’t finish the sentence but leave it open and I nod. Fearing to take my silent as a no and I don’t really know what he will do to me then.
He is very calm like he is not doing any effort to hurt me. It is not just physical, it is emotional. He is not doing any effort in his mind too. He is a natural psychopath. After a couple of heartbeats that I am sure not taking correctly, he finally releases my hand and starts to remove himself from me. I am afraid to move, I am afraid to breathe. I am just looking at him seeing if he is going to lose it on me again. He also doesn’t take his eyes away from me. He is not showing any kind of emotion and I am showing it all, from fear to anger to hate.
We don’t break eye contact till the phone rings. He picks up and keeps talking in Russia. He sits on the bed again but starts to wear his shoes again. He unbuttons his pants and tuck his shirt in, button it to the end and then hangs up. “I am going now. Gayla will be here shortly to discuss the final plan with you, of course after she takes my permission in the proceeding. It seems to me that I will always be the one who does everything in here.” He says the last part to himself more than to me. I don’t answer him. I bring my knees to my chest and rest my head on them. Watching him getting ready to leave so I can finally breathe. He ties his tie again and gets his suit jacket. He heads to the door and closes it behind him very gently.
I wait for a couple of seconds before I peak my head to the hallway. I make sure that he really left. He did, good. We have a saying in Egypt that a woman can stop having children if she is scared a lot and I think that I won’t have children again from the amount of scary shit moment I have had since I got on the god damned country. I look and find that my leggings are wet on the knees and then I feel it, the tears that are in my eyes and on my face. I haven’t realized that I have been crying. I was so engrossed in not doing anything that will set him off again, that I haven’t even realized that I was crying. In this rate, I think I would really lose it before Emanuel will have his chance to kill me himself.
I lay back on the bed and put the covers on me entirely. Gayla is the first criminal I have met here. Gayla gives the feeling of a business woman more than she is a criminal. You feel she is someone who is doing her job, she is not really wanting to do anything for anything. All of her men are just dogs that are trained to follow order without questioning anything. Then I met Marcus, who gives the feeling of someone who is good, but did a wrong thing this one time and he got caught. I have never once felt danger out of him. He always gives the vibe of a man who will do good. Emanuel is someone who is looking for money and authority, he is so selfish that he can’t see that he is hurting others by doing what he does. Then I met Vlad and I can assure you that he is sick, he is not right, he has something in his mind, so kind of disorder.


  1. I'm loving your blog more and more!!
    Love this post and the story behind it :D
    Thanks for sharing and please keep writing!


  2. Ótima postagem, obrigado pela visita.

  3. Thanks a lot :D

    I'm totally addicted for your texts :D You writte so well <3

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  4. Such a great post! You are a great writer! Wondering what Vlad is up to!
    Have a wonderful weekend, love!
    xoxo, Vanessa

  5. Great post dear, thanks for sharing! <3 - http://www.domesticgeekgirl.com

  6. amazing post followed on GFC #88 :)

  7. I like your writing style. I and find something in common between me and the girl

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  8. This girl is a wonderful protagonist for sure. She is very courageous not to be broken by this desperate situation! This is another intense and interesting chapter.